she looked like the before picture.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
