it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
