Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
