i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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