I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
