My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize