Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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