I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
