she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize