Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
