trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
