found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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