I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
