Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
