Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
