I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
