The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
