I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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