she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
