At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize