We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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