you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
