So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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