remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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