i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Your cock deserves a montage
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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