She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
