she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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