I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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