I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
