Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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