I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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