so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
