FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
