I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
