while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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