Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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