Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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