You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
