worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
