I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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