Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
