Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
