Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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