I accidentally burped into my bong.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
