your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
