Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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