I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
