Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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