just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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