I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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