Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
