so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is Oprah even human
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize