insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
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