mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
