Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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