I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
