he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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