dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize