I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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