you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
