I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
