dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
