Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
