I need help removing her.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
