i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
