its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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