Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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