i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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