Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
