Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
