just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
