Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
