i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
