bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
