There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
