1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
