Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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