Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
