Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
