The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
