Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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